Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - a note about rest in first few days

Such peaceful sleep aaah

Like most proud new moms, I faced taking my baby home for the first time with mixed emotions. Don't get me wrong, I loved the hospital, the labour room, the ward, the wonderful staff... but the starched linen was getting a bit scratchy and mostly I was exhausted. You see what happens in a maternity ward is that your baby stays with you as long as you want, then when you feel u need a break (don't judge me, You WILL need a break), you ring for the nurse to wheel your baby off to the nursery. A few hours later they bring her back to feed... And only to feed, and you get to rest again. Sounds great right? Wrong.

From the second your baby is born, rest will always elude you. 'Visiting hours' become the time visitors avoid, so they "miss the rush", asking a midwife a question about baby's birthmark becomes an hour tutorial on paediatric dermatology, and nap time turns into time you have to quickly shower, change pads, change breastpads, have a salt bath, eat, try to poo, try to pee, apply nipple cream and have a quick emotional breakdown. So when our discharge forms were all signed and proud daddy stood waiting in the doorway, I was more than happy to say goodbye to the maternity staff and to be driven home (at 40km/h) in our balloon and bouquet laden car. Yay, I thought, finally some peace and quiet. And God laughed again...

What I failed to comprehend was that home had no visiting hours, no nursery to send baby to, no midwife to answer my questions... and no nap times! One of the biggest realisations was that, unlike the lovely nurse in the hospital nursery, I had no idea when my baby's sound meant she needed a feed. So instead of waking up to feed, I was waking up to sounds and spending a really long time trying to figure out if it even meant baby was hungry. Those first few weeks were disastrous, so bad in fact that in my sleep deprived delirium, I contemplated painting a sign on the door to the tune of "evil lives here!!!!!" in the hope of at least deterring some of my well-meaning baby gazers. I quickly changed my mind when I glanced in the mirror and the sobering realisation hit me that in that ghastly state, that sign wouldn't be far from the truth.

Here's the thing, you need your sleep. And if you can't get any sleep, you need your rest. Baby will still be there in 2 weeks, when, hopefully, you've managed to come out the other side not looking (and acting) like a demon. Let your visitors come then. Or arrange 'visiting hours' at home, in fact while you're at it, arrange a midwife/nursery in the form of your mother or nanny or neighbor for a few days, just to get you through the transition. Oh, and do not underestimate the power of a real midwife home visit after birth... it can save lives, it saved mine.

So about that rest thing... you know how they say "sleep when baby sleeps"? It's rubbish! (And you WILL want to kill the 4th know-it-all visitor who says that to you while you're holding a tray of biscuits and tea in your pajamas, and your baby sleeps.) While your baby sleeps you can finally try to poo, try to pee, bath in salt, express your milk, sterilise your pumps, massage your breasts, take your vitamins, eat, read your email, catch up on the 20 bbm messages on your phone, make dinner, entertain your visitors... oh and say a quick hello to your husband. And all this in the 2 hours you have between feeds and nappy changes. 24/7 will have a whole new meaning before you know it.

I wish someone had told me that my life would now work in increments of 3 hours, or at least periods between baby feed times. I would not have left sleep time up to chance, I would have divided up my day into 3 hour slots and first assigned at least 2 to sleep. The rest would go to all the other things like hygiene, social stuff, food etc. I also wish that someone would have told me that if I made sure my baby was full after each feed, she would sleep longer till the next one. It took my near post natal breakdown illiciting a midwife visit to teach me how to make sure my baby was full.

If you're breastfeeding, here's what you do.
While baby is feeding, she will usually start dozing off, this does not mean that she is full, do not lift your maternity bra flap and congratulate yourself yet. Make sure that she is stimulated throughout the feed. Rub her head, blow on her, tickle her toes, don't keep her too warm. Then when she really has stopped sucking, pick her up burp her, change her even, and put her back on your breast. You can keep doing this till your absolutely sure she has had enough. And only then can you slap on some nipple cream and put your baby confidently down to sleep.

The other problem I had was having my husband in bed with me. I really wanted him to be part of the parenting experience and have him and I lovingly share battle scars in the morning. The problem is thus..
1. you will be even more stressed out trying to keep baby quiet so as not to wake him,
2. men do not respond to baby sounds like we do, and his snoring through your sleep deprived pain will drive you crazy,
3. you will need the space for the 20 pillows you need to breastfeed at first
4. you will both have battle scars in the morning, and then darling, who will be dressing who's wounds do you think? Yes dear, I'm afraid you are still the sole carer of the overgrown, over dependant infant you call a partner.

If hubby is a hinderance let him sleep in the spare room, the lounge, the car, wherever. For the first few weeks its all about you and baby. Let your husband be strong enough to take care of you both, and if you need him to be near sometimes, don't be afraid to say it. Your emotional well being now is so much more important, and yet, so much more fragile than you will ever comprehend.

You are still really one organism, trying to make your way without an umbilical cord. Make sure that you're taken care of equally as well as your little cherub.