If you're anything like me, (I was dreaming about BFing since I had breasts, yes, I was broody at 12), then that moment that your baby first latches is overwhelmingly joyous. That joy soon becomes confusion and every so often overwhelming pain and despair. You may of course be one of the Very Very lucky ones, where BFing will be a breeze. I cried when I heard other new moms talk about feeding in their sleep, whipping out their boobs in public, and loving the experience. Not only did I feel like a failure, I also felt like I was the only mother in the world who would consider giving up just because I couldn't handle the pain. After all "BREAST IS BEST!". The world is so focussed on passing on this message to those who might actually be fooled by the pharmaceutical companies into believing that any formula could be better than God-given breast milk, that it forgets about those poor innocent moms on the brink of post natal depression, who feel as though they've failed all the children of the world by giving up.
Firstly... breast may be best, but it is not the be all and end all. If for any reason you find that you have to throw in the towel, its not the end of the world. Hundreds of mothers have gone the same route, and anyone who's breastfed will understand the pain you have endured. I remember the devastation I felt when I had to consider giving up, no one tells you how to handle it if you have to.
Secondly... there is so much help out there. If you get stuck, there's a person dying to come and help you around every corner. And I do mean dying to help you. In all my years working in the health profession, I have never come across a group of professionals so eager to help and so passionate about my well-being than people in the post natal field.
Thirdly... do it right from the start. If you fall, pick yourself up and start at the beginning. There is so much about BFing that they do not tell you, I wish they would spend half as much time teaching how to BF as they do shouting "BREAST IS BEST!"
Lastly... it gets better. Believe it or not it is very likely that you too will eventually be effortlessly whipping out your boob to feed your child with a smile on your face. I can't say how long it will be for you, for me it was 4 weeks which, in mommy terms, is the blink of an eye.
This is my story...
Prior to giving birth, the sum total of my BFing knowledge was what was skimmed over for a few minutes at the end of my antenatal classes (no, med school does not cover this topic either). No disrespect to my antenatal class, I would highly recommend, in fact, that you take this class. This, like most antenatal courses, is and should be focussed on the labour and delivery. In fact BFing is such a huge topic, it should really have its own course.
So armed with this knowledge, I took my newly emerged baby to my bosom, and waited for the angels to sing. They did, for a second, then she stopped sucking and I realised I had no idea what to do next. A nurse quickly popped my boob back in her mouth and wheeled us off to the ward. In hospital each feed was a fumble of areola, nipple, fingers, blanket and crying baby, till the nurse came and showed me how to do it by popping my boob into her mouth and walking away. The pain I felt was supposedly "normal" and by the time I was discharged I needed 2 sessions of physio lazer on my nipples just so I could go on feeding without tears.
The lazer worked so well that feeding became painless, and when I got home I obliviously carried on systematically ripping my nipples apart. By the time the pain started again, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, a fact I only discovered after noticing blood on my baby's lips (shock and horror I know!) My midwife, Ciska, came riding to the rescue on day 3. She taught me a technique to get baby to latch better (not foolproof but better than I was doing) and left me with instructions on sunning my nipples and strict instructions to NOT stop feeding! It got better for 2 days then started again. My antenatal class teacher, Emma, was my next house visit, and she stayed for an hour, correcting my already failing latch, rearranging my room, sending hubby to buy a new feeding chair and teaching everyone at home how to support me. She also left me with an amazing device called a 'nipple shield', which took away the feeling of wanting to run away and hide at every feeding time.
By this time everyone at home, and some of the neighbours were already used to seeing me wonder around topless and dripping milk everywhere. Something I finally remedied by ordering nipple shells online (a great invention that protects your unbelievably sensitive nipples from the harsh fabric of your bra or breast pads).
I carried on feeding like this for about 3 days when I woke up with a fever and feeling like I had a bad case of flu. Knowing that fever in a BFing mother usually means mastitis, or breast infection, I lay my head in my milk soaked pillow and sobbed. Doctors are taught that mastitis means you need an antibiotic, i knew that antibiotics likely meant thrush for me and baby, and that would likely mean nipple thrush and that would be the end of BFing for us. I desperately called my homeopath, Dr Murray Rushmere, hoping for an alternative. He reassured me that not all mastitis is caused by a bacterial infection and that inflamed, blocked ducts could also cause a fever. He started me on 2 remedies and gave me the number of a woman whom I will eternally be grateful to. Ruth Katzman is a physiotherapist and lactation consultant. She arrived on the same day and treated me with ultrasound, massage and lazer, she taught me how to latch my baby correctly (this way is foolproof), she taught me how to go to the loo properly (I was also constipated since delivery, and yes, I wasn't going correctly), she taught me exactly what to do with the milk pump, and she showed me how to feed my baby with a cup so that I could give my cracked nipple a break. She came again the next day, did it all again and made sure that I was indeed feeding correctly.
A few days later, for the second time, I heard those angels sing, as my baby latched effortlessly and drank painlessly. I too now feed in my sleep and love the experience of BFing... thank heaven.
The next post is dedicated to what I wish someone had told me...
How to do it correctly from the start, and how to manage the few unfortunate situations I found myself in.
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