That's what little girls are made of... The gender battle continues...

This is What Little Girls Are Made Of

THE FEMALE BRAIN

As motherhood settles in, I find myself more and more in awe of the women of the world. Truth be told I have always been a fan of women and their special abilities and strengths. But since becoming a mother I am in serious danger of becoming a real feminist. And no, not the butch kind, which to my mind seems to be defeating the purpose entirely. The beauty in our strength is that it is perfectly carried in our delicate, curvy, feminine, pretty little physiques.

Somewhere between worshipping men in my teens and being disappointed by them in my twenties, I realised that women and men have different roles in relationships and that women were as good at fulfilling theirs as men were at delivering in theirs. For example women were better at the nurturing thing and they therefore had an obviously pivotal role in bringing up children. Men on the other hand have bigger guns and therefore are better at protecting their families in cases of hand to hand combat. Yes in cavemen days gone by, this also meant they were better at hunting wooly mammoths for food, an obviously pivotal role in survival.

What I seem to be learning in my thirties is that somewhere in the evolutionary path, the man's role in a family's survival seems to be diminishing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating single sex parents or saying that men are useless, I'm just saying that a man's role in the survival of the species seems to be not as important as a woman's anymore. *hiding my face from punches*

 Lets examine the facts...

MALE VS FEMALE BRAINS

BRAIN SIZE
Males have bigger brains in general. This is however thought to be more to accommodate muscle mass than more processing power.
BRAIN HEMISPHERES
Females have a greater connection between their left and right brains, enabling better communication and intuition. They can also multi-task better than men, though men are more focussed on individual tasks.
BRAIN CELLULAR CONNECTION
Women have more connections between their brain cells, enabling faster, more complete processing of information and better memory storage.
LANGUAGE
Women have more developed language centers in the brain, making them better at language based tasks. Males only have activity in one side of their brains during language stimulation, while females have activity in both.
MATHEMATICS
Male brains tend to have bigger mathematical centers and do score higher than females on math based tasks. This also applies to physics and chemistry.
STRESS
Men employ "fight or flight" tactics while women employ "tend or befriend" tactics during stress. Women therefore being more instrumental in creating better group dynamics, tolerance and patience. Men are also more likely to participate in risky, dangerous activities.
SPATIAL ABILITIES
Women tend to have difficulty in this arena, demonstrated by the number of women with 'no sense of direction'.
BRAIN DISORDERS
Men are by far more likely to develop brain disorders like dyslexia, autism, ADHD. While women tend more to develop mood disorders.
BONDING INSTINCTS
Women have larger limbic systems, making their nurturing / nesting instincts more dominant than men
GENERAL
For many tasks women use more advanced areas of the brain (the cerebral cortex), whereas men use more primitive areas.
REST
The male brain has to go into a rest state to renew, recharge and reorient itself, whereas women do this without having to go to sleep. Females also have a larger blood flow to their brains.

There are also similar differences in the hormonal profiles of males and females, as well as the energetic profiles of each gender (if quantum physics and the energy body is more your thing)

In some parts of the world scientist have even gone so far as to develop different teaching techniques for the genders so as to take these differences into account:
Boys Will Be Boys, Girls Will Be Girls, Brain-based Gender Differences
William McBride, Ph.D.

Now certainly you are welcome to draw your own conclusions from these points, and I'd be happy if you chose this forum to air your opinion, but what is a blog if not a place to safely, arrogantly and self-centredly put forward your own biased opinion...

My opinion is thus; man's usefullness in maintaining the family unit, and even society at large is fast diminishing. Women have become equally capable at being breadwinners (artists previously known as mammoth hunters). I'm willing to bet, looking around you, you have more dual-income friends than not, and those females that are not working, aren't housewives because they can't find a talent that will at least bring in enough money to keep a family alive.
So isn't it amazing that for centuries after the death of the last wooly mammoth, men continue to delude themselves and the rest of the world that they are the center of the family and that women are merely the supporting cast?

My disclaimer... I can't be blamed for changing my mind in my forties

Ten green bottles... Bottle training

Weaning your breast fed baby to bottle

This morning I decided that it was time to show my nanny how to feed baby expressed milk from a bottle. She took a bottle successfully a month ago, but she is, for all intents and purposes an exclusively breast fed baby.
What a disaster. She cried and spat and spluttered, she fussed and kicked and choked, she even spent a few minutes just chewing on the end of the teat. Finally, through guilt-ridden tears, I stuck a boob in her mouth, berated myself for stopping her bottle training at 5 weeks and researched what I had done wrong.



1. I waited too long to teach her

Yes that's correct, if you know that at some point your baby is going to have to drink from a bottle, you need to start training your baby to take a bottle's teat before they're too used to the breast. I guess the result  of not training is that you end up with situation like I had today, or worse, the same thing but in your mother's lounge while you're standing in the queue at Woolies, 20 minutes away.

Whatever you do, do not start giving your baby expressed milk before she's learnt to suck from the breast with ease. The last thing you want is to create nipple confusion early on. The danger being that she will prefer the easy-flowing bottle teat to your breast. My midwife recommended 4 weeks, some literature says 2, some say 6 weeks. I think you should play it by ear and make sure that you and baby are completely comfortable with her latch first and that she is picking up weight adequately. Don't, however wait till after she is too used to it to take anything else. My baby was 5 weeks when we first tried, and she drank beautifully, today she is 9 weeks, and clearly, it was a nightmare.

2. I fed her myself


Babies are so smart. They can smell their mothers from 6m away and know that a better, softer, warmer source of milk is a cry away. If you are struggling, try leaving the room, or better yet, leave the house well before and let someone else do the feed. This is actually a perfect opportunity for daddy to bond with baby early on and for him to struggle through some of the frustrations of caring for a newborn (you didn't hear me say that), so leave the bottle trial for evening when he's home from work.


3. She was really hungry by the time I fed her
and
4. I was tense
Don't try to feed a very hungry, angry baby. It is very important that you are both calm and relaxed when you try to feed her. As with breast feeding, your baby will easily pick up on your angst. If she is refusing a feed, back off, relax, calm her down and try again. Always make sure that everything is prepared well before she is due to feed. This means...

• sterilising your bottle and teat about 30 minutes before the intended feed
• allowing 30 minutes for defrosting frozen milk or expressing fresh milk
• warming the milk in a warmer or in a jug of boiling water (not the microwave)
• getting baby a bib (its a messy business)

5. I held her in the position I do when breastfeeding


The literature recommends holding baby in an upright position, completely different to the position they're used to while breast feeding. You can even try putting her in a car seat or in a bouncer. This is so that baby always differentiates bottle from breast feeding. Remember that baby swallows more winds during bottle feeding, so keeping her upright prevents the collection of too many winds. Once she is settled into bottle feeding, you can hold her in your usual feeding position.

6. I tried the bottle for half an hour


By which time she was angry, frustrated, miserable and starving (and so was I to be honest). The worse danger is that baby associates the bottle with all those feelings and rejects it before you've even begun. A rule of thumb... if baby rejects three attempts, give up and move on.


7. I gave her the breast too quickly after failing with the bottle

The trick is to wait at least 5 to 10 minutes before breast feeding. So do something completely different for a while first and distract baby with walking or singing then sit down and feed her. You don't want to create a scenario where baby associates refusal with immediate gratification.

8. I hadn't warmed the bottle enough


Your expressed milk should be as close to body temperature as possible for baby to accept it with ease. The best way is to warm it in a jug of boiling water or let hot water from the tap run over the bottle. If you have a bottle warmer, even better. Yoomi bottles have a warmer you charge up and then just place inside the bottle. With the touch of a button your milk is warmed to exactly body temperature. Do not be tempted to warm it in the microwave, microwaves warm unevenly and you can burn babies mouth without realising.

9. I wasn't burping her between gulps


Always make sure you burp a bottle fed baby frequently. They swallow a lot more winds than breast fed babies and this can result in refusing to feed if their tummies are too full of air.


10. She was struggling to drink from the bottle I was using


Because the bottle I used had worked a few weeks earlier, I immediately assumed that she would always take it easily. This specific bottle is also only meant for breastfed babies who have never used any other type of bottle before, so I didn't want to go against the manufacturer's recommendations. The thing is, like dummies you have to try and try and try till you find the bottle that works for your baby, and even then, as time goes on, their bottle needs change.
Things to consider when choosing a bottle...

• Are you planning to exclusively breastfeed for a while still?

If you are weaning to a bottle completely, then the shape of the teat is not so important, as long as baby can drink easily from it. If you plan to continue breastfeeding, make sure the teat is a similar shape to your nipple and breast. Also make sure the milk doesn't come out of the bottle too easily as baby will inevitably prefer the easier option.  

• Is your baby a strong sucker?

Different babies need different flow from their bottles at different stages of their lives. Usually the younger the baby, the stronger the suck reflex, the slower the bottle flow. Buy the correct flow for your baby's age and change it if you find baby is drinking too quickly or choking on her feeds or if she is struggling to get the milk out.

• Does your baby suffer from colic or reflux?

Most manufacturers will specify on the packaging if the bottle is recommended for colic. These bottles usually have an air vent system or angled shape that protects baby from swallowing too many winds.

• How easy is it to assemble, to clean and to sterilise?

I have some very complex looking bottles in my collection. The problem with these is that putting the parts together once the bottle is sterilised is a nightmare, I also find it very difficult to teach my nanny to do it correctly without contaminating the sterile parts. Some of the bottles also need specially shaped bottle brushes to reach the bottom of the bottle. 

• Which nipple material will your baby prefer?

Often you will find that baby will prefer a latex nipple if she sucks a latex dummy or a silicone nipple if she sucks a silicone dummy. Allergies are important to consider here and to watch out for if undiagnosed. Nowadays most nipples are made of silicone, as they are stronger so have less risk of breaking in baby's mouth, they also don't hold on to odours as easily as latex, and have less chance of being allergenic. Latex is however softer, but does also mean they don't hold their shape as well.    

So finally, after spending all day gratefully breast feeding with ease, I handed my husband the reins, and armed with all this new knowledge, cried with relief as my baby peacefully sucked away at her dinner.

A NOTE ABOUT VOLUMES

When calculation a feed volume you need to take into account your baby's age, weight and growth. The best thing is to first check with your paediatrician or baby clinic sister before attempting to bottle feed.

By the time most babies are bottle training, their weight gain has steadied at they are over 4 weeks old.

If this is the case and your baby is at an acceptable weight for age, the calculation is: 

150 x wt(kg) / number of feeds a day 

So for example, my baby weighs 5.5kg and has 7 feeds a day, so she will have 150x5.5/7 = 117ml per feed.

Buuuurp Burp Burp Paryup... How to wind your baby

BURPING

WHY

I know this may seem obvious to you, but when I started I had no idea why to burp a baby, nevermind when and how. Here's the deal...
Babies tend to swallow lots of air when they feed and if it isn't released it can cause pain, vomiting, cramps and even (shock horror) sleeplessness. They also stop feeding once the air in the stomach takes too much space, this effectively leads to stopping too early and therefore feeding too frequently. Often babies can bypass burping and go directly to passing the wind on the other end, but for newborns this is usually an uncomfortable (and noisy) process.

WHEN

So luckily most babies will stop drinking when they've taken in too much wind. Obviously this may just be a sign that your baby is full, so don't spend hours trying to "chase a wind". More than 5 minutes is usually too long, but you will learn how long it takes for your baby.

Babies can also squirm, kick or be fussy at the breast if they have a wind, but this may be a sign of other things like reflux or colic.

They rarely cry because of winds but sometimes they will give an angry cry if the wind is particularly painful.

Sometimes checking to see if her tongue is on the top of her mouth helps and yes, those first smiles usually are the sign of a wind but if baby is otherwise comfortable don't go chasing winds unnecessarily.

Bottle-fed babies swallow more winds that breast fed ones while feeding, so they tend to need burping more often.

A good rule of thumb:

• Burp between each breast or every 60ml if bottle feeding
• Burp if baby is fussing while drinking
• Burp at the end of every feed
• If baby wakes up in the night and it isn't time for a feed, try to burp her first

HOW

If, like me, you had a good antenatal class teacher you will have learnt the 4 basic positions for burping a newborn. You don't have to try each position every time, but do try them all and find one that works best for you and baby.

Positions
(change the sides if you are left handed)


Over the shoulder
Place baby well over your left shoulder, so that the front of your shoulder is putting pressure on her tummy. Burp her with your right hand.

Across the lap
Place baby face down across your lap, with your left hand supporting her head and burping with the right. Her head should be resting on the left thigh and tummy on the other.

Over the hand

Hold baby so that she is sitting at the end of your lap. Grasp her chin (not throat) with your left hand and lean her forward so that the heel of your hand is in her tummy. Burp with the right hand.

On the arm

Hold baby straddling your left forearm, face down, so that her legs are dangling on either side of your elbow and your arm is applying pressure in her tummy and her chin is in your hand. Rest your arm on your lap and burp baby with the other hand.

Method

With your dominant hand (trust me, burping can be exhausting, use your strong hand) either firmly and rhythmically tap baby's back like a drum (this works by consolidating all the air bubbles into one like tapping on a bottle of coke) or firmly stroke baby's back from bottom to top. I also find that massaging baby under her arms or in the small of her back helps dislodge the winds faster. Sometimes stretching and moving her limbs around also help to move stubborn winds.

And don't forget to throw a burp cloth over your shoulder. It is always worth it! ...

Lessons - a poem

I learned the value of strength when I gave birth to my daughter

   I didn't know peace till I watched her fall asleep in my arms

And I never knew longing till I missed her while she slept

   Delight was just a word till my baby looked at me and smiled

And when she held my hand duty and responsibility became clear

  When my eyes met hers across the room I understood real trust

I knew love the moment she was handed to my care

   And life had no meaning till I became a mother

Sweet Dreams - a poem

I will never forget

The kiss of your silky soft hair resting against my cheek

The caress of your small arm draped sleepily around my neck

With the tips of your tiny fingers gently tapping against  my shoulder

The soothing sound of little escaping bursts of air as you breathe, so peacefully

Your unmistakable, intoxicating, sweet smell 

Daughter, I love you

Sweet dreams